The Etiquette of Splitting the Bill
The Nuanced Version
If you’ve been on the internet over the last week, you’ve probably either seen THAT etiquette article, or an irate reaction to it on Twitter. In my humble opinion, about 75% of the 140 “rules” outlined by The Cut make sense, or are at the very least tame enough not to elicit genuine ire (excluding the sidebar contributions from Lauren Santo Domingo, which were truly unhinged).
However, in my eyes, the most glaring exception was Rule #55: “For group dinners with friends, always split the bill evenly.”
The explanation offered by contributor Francis Hoepfner for this blanket expectation includes a story wherein she was stiffed $65 by her coworkers after putting lunch for everyone on her card (which is, of course, super rude). Hoepfner also reasons that after a few months of equally splitting the bill, the more financially audacious diners will order fewer cocktails, and the more frugal of the group will indulge more often. Therefore, eventually, it’ll all even out.
In reality, the question of how to split the bill at a restaurant is much more nuanced than The Cut is giving it credit for — an issue for which an article all its own could be written.
So, I’m answering the call. Here are, in my opinion, the rules of bill splitting, in multiple situations with multiple stipulations considered. Strap in.
At a Bar:
For Groups of 2-6:
Each patron pays for their own drinks on their own tab, OR each patron takes a turn buying a round of drinks for the group.
If food is ordered, each patron pays for their own on their own tab.
If the group decides to share food (a plate of nachos or order of fries, for instance), whomever put the food on their tab is exempt from one round of drink-buying.
If one patron orders a shareable food (a plate of nachos or order of fries, for instance), and offers to share after the order is placed, there should be no expectation of contribution toward the price of that food, in drink form or otherwise.
For Groups of 6+:
Each patron pays for their own drinks and their own food (if applicable) on their own tab.
Smaller sub-groups are likely to form within groups of this size — in this case, the rules for groups of 2-6 are in effect.
Should one patron decide to make an unprompted purchase for the group as a whole (a round of shots, for instance), while it is polite to buy the purchaser a drink at some later point in the evening, the purchaser should not expect anyone to do so.
Should the group agree on a round of shots and they are all ordered on one person’s tab, the purchaser is owed either a drink or to be paid back the price of the shot, including tip, by each patron. (This situation is risky, though — in large groups, the buyer should be prepared for the possibility that they won’t be paid for every shot purchased. It’s not right, but it does happen.)
At a Restaurant:
For Groups of 2-6:
When each patron orders their own entree (with the potential addition of a shared appetizer), the bill may be split evenly in the event that:
a. The discrepancy between each patron’s portion is less than ~$7 OR
b. The group attends restaurants together often enough that there is an agreement that bills are generally to be split evenly, under the assumption that it truly will “even out” eventually.
This situation applies only to close friendships and relationships with a similar alcohol tolerance (so they will order approximately the same number of cocktails) and dietary restrictions (so the one vegan who only orders $8 salads isn’t getting screwed).
If one or more group member is presently strapped for cash, this rule is void and each patron should pay for themselves.
Otherwise, each patron should pay only for the food and drinks they ordered, their portion of a shared appetizer, and their portion of tax and tip (see: HOW to Split the Bill, below).
When the entire group shares food (tapas or pizza, for instance), the bill should be split evenly.
If some patrons order cocktails or other expensive items and others do not, those who did order cocktails are responsible for the entirety of the tip.
For groups of 6+:
The bill should only be split evenly in situations where the entire group shares food (tapas or pizza, for instance).
Previous cocktail-drinkers-tip rule applies.
Otherwise, each patron should pay only for the food and drinks they ordered, their portion of a shared appetizer, and their portion of tax and tip.
HOW to split the bill:
In groups of 2-4 where the bill is to be split evenly, each patron’s card should be provided and split by the restaurant staff when possible.
In groups of 4+, or when the bill is not to be split evenly, only one patron should supply their card so as not to unduly inconvenience the restaurant staff.
Which patron supplies their card should be decided either on a rotating basis, or by volunteer — usually whomever most wants credit card points.
In situations where only one card is supplied:
Whomever supplied the card should be paid back, whether in cash or by electronic means, immediately.
If the bill is being split evenly, whomever supplied the card should calculate each patron’s total and, where applicable, send an electronic request (which, again, should be fulfilled immediately).
If the bill is not being split evenly, each patron should calculate their own total and multiply the result by 1.3 to account for tax and tip before paying whomever supplied the card immediately.
Seriously, settle up immediately. Do not leave the card-supplier hanging except in dire financial situations (in which case the card-supplier should be paid within a week).
Miscellaneous Situations:
For ticketed events (concerts, theme parks, etc.):
Each attendee should buy their own ticket separately OR
One attendee may order all tickets at once, to be paid back by all other attendees immediately (or ASAP, as illustrated above).
At the movies:
In groups of 2, one person buys the tickets, one person buys the popcorn.
In groups of more than 2, everyone pays for themselves, or splits into sub-groups.
For venues with a cash cover, such as nightclubs:
For groups of 2, whichever patron carries cash pays the cover, and the other patron reimburses them by way of a drink.
In groups of more than 2, sub-groups may be formed and follow the rule illustrated above, but honestly everyone should probably just hit the ATM before they get in line.
Does anyone do credit card roulette in real life? Seems risky. Proceed with extreme caution.
Notable Exceptions:
In close-knit groups that often attend restaurants together, the group may come to an agreement to rotate payment among patrons — i.e., Patron 1 pays one week, Patron 2 the next, etc. etc.
In these situations, whose turn it is to pay is based on the honor system. Don’t keep a strict tally, and don’t take advantage of your friends.
For birthdays and celebrations, ideally attendees will agree on whether and who will cover the cost of the guest of honor — otherwise, patrons should refer back to previous rules, and throw in a little extra for the guest of honor ($10 towards their meal, one drink, etc.) at their own discretion.
The Bottom Line:
Honestly, when in doubt, everyone should pay their own bill. Nothing feels worse than being That Guy who declines to split the bill evenly when they only ordered a salad and a water and is aggressively saving money/paying off debt/etc. On the other hand, being the guy who orders seven cocktails and a prime rib and suggests splitting the bill evenly is a great way to never receive an invitation to dinner again. Finances are complicated and not everyone is ready to talk about it — avoid putting others in awkward situations by taking responsibility for your own expenses.
(Also, seriously, factor in the tax and tip).